Davina McCall is planning for her to be the host of a fresh “midlife” rendition of Love Island featuring older people sporting bingo wings and paunches and I could not be more excited about it. Sitting in a luxurious home with a bunch of older folks comparing colonoscopies of the past? It’s a dream come true. I’m so “excited about” this project (see? I’m beginning to get into the lingo) that I’ll pull out an old bikini thong from 1992, if I’m chosen as an contestant. What’s the point if your breasts have more “pneumatic ballerinas” in the present and more “Clangers noses”? What’s the point if male contestants are now sporting more hair growing out of their huge ears than their heads? We’ll have a sense of solidarity. We’re all at our lowest here.
Some say that this show ought to be titled Love Handles Island and, ho ho, we oldies could appreciate the humor. Actually, considering that for the past few weeks, I’ve experienced discomfort in my lower back which makes me think “eeeeaah” when I sit down in chairs, and that a lot of my peers in my middle age appear to suffer from I’d recommend Lumbago Island. Also, considering the amount of people over 50 taking medications to lower cholesterol levels, Statin Island. No? Why not take me Out , but take My Gout. Ho ho. Maybe it’s not Blind Date. This isn’t quite as amusing when your eyes are acting up.
I’ve got so many ideas. The traditional challenges are “snog or marry, or pie?” but we would be much more entertained asking questions like “burial or cremation?”. One man said that he’d had sexual relations with 200 women, and he was just 22, however, in our game we’d try to recall the last time when we felt like we were being concerned. In the fire pit, women of the island often talk about who they’d like to “coupling with” with, however in Lumbago Island the menopausal women would push back their head, smile and tell us: “With my dry vagina and a lack of sexual desire? I’d prefer boiling your tea towels.” What fun times we’d be having.
Priya Gopaldas, Matthew MacNabb on Love Island in 2021.
ITV/REX FEATURES
It’s relaxing. Imagine hours of enjoyment having fun playing “Who’s seen my glasses?” when, naturally the spectacles will always be placed on your head. Usually, the Love Islanders pack a different small-sized outfit that they dress to the max each the night. But we would not be under such pressure. We’d all be amongst each other, all in beige pants. Of course, there’s the possibility that no one will turn on the TV to see people with jowls or loose teeth discussing leaky bladdersand troubling prostates, in addition to whether they’ve had their NHS home stool-testing kits. There is a chance that it will not be a thrilling show when contestants glance at their watches and then say: “Ooh, 9pm already. It’s time to go home.”
However, surely the older viewers want to look at real people, real bodies living real lives, and not nubile, bronzed and sexually sexy young people wearing almost nothing for the entire day? Oh I can see. They’d rather see naked, bronzed young people sporting nothing but a t-shirt all day, than me in my muffin top? Disappointing. Does this mean that it’s the same thing the 65-year-olds who purchase a sex doll but do not ask it to appear “middle-aged” but around 19 years old with GG silicone breasts? It’s disappointing again. I was hoping to looking at liver spots and comparing them and discussing the most effective compression socks to treat restless leg syndrome and complaining to the point of exhaustion that kids aren’t away from their phones. They lecture us about saving the earth without ever turning off the light. The title of the show could be Come Whine with Me. You’re right, dress to impress.
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I am also one of the TK Maxx veteran
It’s only the 11th of January but Christmas is already here for the PR team at TK Maxx. Prince Harry has come out as a regular customer who went to the store for casual clothing, “systematically” working his through the rails of groaning by writing: “With two hundred quid you can look like the fashion icon.”
Blimey. The chief executive of the company is probably enjoying his champagne with delight. As an TK Maxx veteran, I was initially thinking that the fifth person to the throne, who was given an allowance to dress of his billionaire father was competing with sharp-elbowed biddies just like me to get bargains at the discount shop as I considered “bullshit”. However, I was not right. An easy Google search reveals that in 2013, he was taken out of TK Maxx on Kensington High Street carrying a bundle of goods including a hoodie, T-shirt, and a phone case.
The mind is overwhelmed. It’s clear that he’s the same as us! It’s a matter of opinion on a $100 million payout from Netflix as well as a the $20 million book deal, and the fact that he has the 15 million Californian mansion.
Things that make us turn off
What is it that gives you that “ick”? Is it something someone does which instantly makes them look undesirable? A new poll has revealed that respondents have suggested “clapping at the moment a plane takes off”, “referring to their football team as “we “, “referring to themselves in the third person”, “being obsessed with their”star symbol” and “using the voice of a baby” as deal-breakers.
I’m sure I’m not arguing with the first three. Certain are obvious, for example, stinking bad, having dirty nails or making rude remarks to waiters and eating by opening their mouths. I’d also suggest being unruly with bad breath, not being a fan of dogs and not using apostrophes. using the toilet as”the “little boys’ bathroom” and even having an animal name for his penis. No. Absolutely not. We can’t take it.
There are whole threads of discussion on the subject online. A woman can’t endure it when a man dresses in a gown and another is when someone mentions”hun. “hun”. The woman who experiences the itch when she observes an individual “in carrying a backpack and waiting for an errand” has become rather specific. Now that she’s described the situation and I’m sure of what she is referring to.
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